His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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