ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
