he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize