from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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