i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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