Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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