You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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