she was so not down for the gang bang
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Randomize
