Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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