so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
