remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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