The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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