New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
