It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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