yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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