Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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