I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
