I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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