mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
