hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
