Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
