Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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