We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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