I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dear god my vagina.
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