boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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