I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
