I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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