Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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