you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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