I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
