NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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