Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
high people should be assigned attendants
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
