The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
