speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
