Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
