Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
