Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
