I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
