I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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