Your mouth is God's brothel.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize