Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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