so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
