we're blogging at a bar
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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