there was a trapeze. enough said
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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