What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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