ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
