and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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