Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
