It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
