And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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