That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
