Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
