I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
