I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
