OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
