i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
