I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
