Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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