I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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