My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
