so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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