thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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