so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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