im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
that may or may not have been my penis.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
